The Axe~

D-Day has arrived. I know there is nothing I can do. She doesn’t want to do the stupid job and I don’t blame her. I wish that I won Powerball so I can quit and we can just get going. Hell, we would just go out and meet weird people and laugh about it.

They talk and he calls to let me know. He doesn’t say anything bad at all. He’s just looking toward next year and knows that it’s about money. He claims he spent xxx amount on her. What an f’in liar. She probably didn’t even get her last two checks because our bookkeeper’s name is Suzy Forgets A Lot.

I call her to let her know I got the news. Before I get a chance, or during, I can’t remember now – I get her list of accounts. It’s so final and awful. Like someone who is leaving and hands over their key. She spent so much time on that list! It’s a good list!!!

I know that it is what it is and I have to do what I need to do at work and we need to move forward. “Our thing” is what makes both of us tick and since it’s our passion, it’s where we will find our joy and everything good comes from that. But she’s feeling badly.

“He wasn’t mean or anything, it’s just that it was over. Like see you later. And he didn’t even mention that I could do other things for him.” She told me that she actually wondered if I had even had the conversation with him. It was like a knife in the heart. Of course I did! We had been keeping something from him, but that’s different. She was torn and I was trying to fix it. That would never happen between us. It’s too much fun and besides this is our destiny – I know it. Now I can tell she just feeling bad and I feel bad.

She tells me that she’s going to go the Mall and buy something. I’m glad. Shopping always makes me feel better. It reminds me of a funny story she told me about going to Lord and Taylor with her mother and trying on “old-lady” clothes. She kept asking her mother if the clothes looked good on her and when you hear her tell it, Mom was expressionless and hard and just said, “No.” But she’s not laughing. We hang up.

I decide that it won’t define my day. I work on some of the business plans and get to write again. After all, the laughter is where it started and where it will continue – never to end. ~SELTZER

Your job makes me sick to my stomach!

It’s about 9:00am and I get a call from Seltzer, she warns me that he wants to have a heart to heart with me. Yup, it’s coming and there is nothing I can do. I tell her thanks and I will let her know what happens. I call his cell & his home phone and I don’t get him, so I leave messages.

He calls back about 20 minutes later and starts with..”So Pink tell me what’s going on?”

I quickly start talking and saying things like, “I don’t know this has been very hard for me and I am not getting any sales”- “It’s not what I expected at the beginning ” –He agrees and doesn’t really say much, just that “Hey, it’s not for everyone and you tried and it was nice meeting you!”

What-he is crazy. I get in one more sentence.”Actually, this job has made me sick to my stomach!” Silence over takes the phone call and finally he pipes up and says, “OK, hey are you the person who knows a host for TV programming?” I said no and furthermore, why would I help you…since you just told me to go.

We hang up. I feel weird, I feel bad and mad and confused. I guess I thought I would be the one to start this and not him, I question the situation –how did I get here, what the heck just happened, did she tell him to tell me to go? I am so dumbfounded, I cannot really focus. Well this is a fine mess I have gotten myself into. OMG!

I quickly go to my computer and send her my list, along with the client contact sheet I had made…while I was sick, mind you! I am walking around in a daze, but don’t know why. I didn’t even like the job or him for that matter. Things happen for a reason-I already believe in that, but why do I feel like this.

She calls and I tell her it’s over and I am done. I don’t really feel like talking to her even, no one in fact. I decide the only way to get over this is to go to the mall. I get in my car and decide, I have to go and buy something and quick. ~ PINK

The 180!

Well by now we just want to hang out together and get our own thing going. So I have this PR thing that I should be at and I invite her along. Plus, we need to start sniffing around for business.

I get a call halfway through that an afternoon sales call I had was cancelled. YES! It wasn’t going to be a sale for this edition anyway, so that means it’s lunchtime. We’re really good at lunch.

We practically run out of the venue to a diner. I’m so happy that we just get to sit and talk about OUR stuff. We get our meals and share fries, which I know neither of us really wants to do, but the waitress won’t bring me an order of my own (uh, are ya trying to tell me something Flo?)

 The reality is that she needs to figure out what she is going to do. She really hates this job and I can’t blame her. We’re back to square one. You either quit or try to like it until we can get you doing something else at the company or until we just cut loose.

It starts. The laughing begins because here we are again. How many people try this hard to stay in a nightmare job that they really don’t need (that would be her.) After all I found out, she just wanted a big screen TV!

We determine that I will talk to El Grosso next week so we can get her through the weekend if she just puts together the week-end “list” that details “rate pitched” and “% to close.” Are you f’in kidding me? % to close? It even sounds cheesy. We laugh hysterically as she starts saying, “Zero, zero, zero, ah, that would be zero.” It’s not funny and we really don’t mean to laugh, but it’s true! It’s going to be zero for most people because it’s been a BI*** to sell!!! And then she starts saying that we are Pinocchio again. I know I have a big nose, but hey, we ain’t no Pinocchio.

I try to tell her that I feel badly because there is no way I can set her up for success in this business. She somehow finds that funny so here we go again. Heads start turning, we can’t breath and all is good.

She’s going to write that damn list. After all, I’m doing everything in my power and am slowly becoming powerless to keep her on. She agrees, we talk a little more in her car and off we go.

Later that night, he calls and wants to have a heart-to-heart with her. ~Seltzer

Support our Troops~ 

I was invited to go to the “Stuff a Trailer” event, which is in honor of a marine who lost his life. His parents started this after he had called and requested the mom send 40 bed sheets for all his bunk mates instead of just one for him. An amazing family, who lost their son and are now giving back to the troops. In times like these, you quickly remember how thankful you are for your family and our troops supporting the country.

I have never been a “biker” girl, but I try to act like one if need be. This day was filled with generous people who were stopping by to stuff the trailer with items. As I wondered around, I thought to myself…I would have never been here had I not met Seltzer and right now I am thankful.

The day was a big success and she apparently was then taking me to a sales meeting. OH BORE…However, she just found out the woman had to cancel-so off to lunch. I followed her in my car down these long windy roads with only farms in view, wondering, “Where the hell are we going to eat?” Have you noticed a pattern, it’s all about the food:)

Finally she pulled into a diner, we ordered and our conversation went quickly to how the heck do I get out of this mess. I am really feeling pulled, I certainly don’t want to take money from someone when I am doing nothing for them, but it is Christmas-I have morals and ethics, but let’s be serious in this economy are you kidding. If only I could have sold one ad, that would have been perfect. Seltzer gives me my options again and again, but I don’t like them and I am starting to feel weird about the whole situation. I feel alone, yes-I am glad I met her, but now it seems like a mess.

 I have to hand in my sales sheet and all it will say is zero, zero, zero. OHHH GODD!! I am turning into Pinocchio and there is no stopping me. What am I supposed to do? I keep looking to her to give me the answer, knowing full well I have the answer. LET THIS JOB GO!

 We finish and head out; I guess tomorrow I will send my sheet with all the ZERO’S! Nothing accomplished but a full stomach…~PINK

The U Turn!

She was finally feeling better and the boss has been asking what’s going on with her. “Well, for Christ’s sake,” I’m thinking. “She along with the rest of the world is sick, you cheap son of a bi**h.” I offer to take her out for more training. But I made up my mind on the way over to fess up. And fessing up means possibly being the worst employee in the world. I’m supposed to be training her and I’m going to tell her that this isn’t working – for either of us.

See, she is creative and her strength is in her personality and her network. I have fun when I’m with her and we laugh a lot. And even if we are not laughing a lot I “get” the opportunities that she seizes for herself. She just doesn’t look for a job so she can go punch in and out somewhere. She is a great resource for people and knows it. I completely identify with her. In fact, we have talked many times about how we are sick of giving away free advice and ideas and that we have both decided that it was high time to get paid for our helpful ways. So, I need to tell her that the “anger” that she might have thought I was feeling was really distance. Distance from the company that we both have been working for and the unrealistic expectations of its leader. Some days the only thing I can bring myself to call him is “that bastard” and it’s only to myself because you’re supposed to support your boss – right? We were on the same river, her and I… and neither of us had a paddle.

I tell her that I think we should work together. I’m not exactly sure how or on what, but I’ve been wanting to focus on the creative side of the business for years now. Between the two of us, we could do some really fun things. And “fun” is the operative word. We both know life is rich and we are too “unique” to work for someone else for the rest of our lives, and my experience with this jerk is starting to seal my fate. We are passionate about helping people create a business from dream or idea, not trying to ram someone’s shitty product down your throat.

The cat’s out of the bag and we decide to talk about it over lunch (big surprise). But we have a big problem: what are we going to do about her? She doesn’t want to quit because she needs the money, but HATES the job. I start taking notes and thinking up how we can fix this. “Ok, let’s get our thoughts down on paper. Let’s have a plan.” I actually still have the notes: Project Basis, Not her MOJO, Loves the product, and then a long list of what’s wrong and the areas where she can be of value. “I know!” I say, “I’ll tell him you were crying about it!” (Great plan, genius) She looks at me like I’m crazy.

 We finally decide that she has to stay because she feels she has no choice. I’m not really sure why she feels she has no choice, but that’s it. Heck, she could work at CVS and make just as much money per week with no stress! So we leave to go back to her house.

Then we U-Turn. Literally. In the road, we U-turn. It happens in slow motion and I look down at my arm as I feel the car turning. She forgot her pad with all her notes at the restaurant. She’s turning the car, but we are on the outside lane. That means that there is a line of traffic next to us. Do I scream? No. I start laughing. Laughing because we weren’t hurt, laughing because she was so oblivious that there was a world around us, laughing because we need that damn pad, and laughing because we are back at square one. ~Seltzer

U Turns can be against the law 🙂

She comes over again, this time we sit in the kitchen and have coffee. I finally am getting out of my mouth-I just cannot fathom doing this job. She confesses to knowing that I am dying inside-we laugh and a weight has been lifted. Now that we get that out-of-the-way, what do we do about it?

Time for lunch-head to Bertucci’s-bring a pad and a purse. While there we sit and start laughing, this is totally wrong on every level. She thinks WE should work together (oh my god-my moons or something must be aligned this is crazy) we laugh a lot and she begins to tell me all her opinions on what has happened so far. Could this be for real?

I love the idea, we connect and our strengths and weakness’ coincide to make a perfect team. But, what to do about our current situation is the question? We came up with many plans, almost to easy. One plan, she decides she will tell him I was crying about it. I tell her that is not likely so don’t use that one. Then we decide the best way out of this is to see if she can convince him to have me stay on doing other stuff instead of door-to-door sales. Good plan, we will go with it. If it works then I can start building our company while she is out selling.

Maybe not-maybe we just leave it like this until then end of the year. We go back and forth about plans for awhile-making sure we have thought about every angle. However, one thing’s for sure-she will not tell him I am crying. LOL!

We leave the restaurant; this is so bad-can it be we are about to embark on a journey together? What if he finds out, what if he kills us-well that is not going to happen he has a limp.

We drive away and I realize I left my pad on the table. OMG, what if someone sees my notes and they know him and then they tell him. I immediately U_TURN on a 4 lane road-literally almost killing us. I pull over; we are laughing but only because it was an immediate reaction to almost dying. We drive back to get the pad.

PHEW-on to our new mission! ~PINK

Here’s to 2010!

So the clock is ticking and everyone is happy 2010 is coming to an end. While 2009 was a supremely crappy year for a lot of folks, I must admit that I can’t complain. Before you try to jump through the computer to strangle me for being so positive, let me reflect and maybe you can relate to my experience:

  • I don’t miss any of the things I stopped spending my money on.
  • The brutal economy and difficulty selling anything has made me realize that the only thing keeping me in sales was the money.
  • My frustration led to me leaving one job, where I was letting myself be completely taken advantage of, to being on the verge of doing what makes me happy.
  • And then there are the basics: I’m healthy, have a roof over my head, plenty to eat and lack for nothing.

Does any of this sound familiar? Maybe if we all started to appreciate things more, we would have nothing to bitch about. But then what would we do?

That brings me to the next big revelation from 2009. Most people I know, instead of being afraid to lose their jobs and sucking up incessantly to their bosses, are realizing they HATE what they do and they are thinking about creating their next “it.” What if we all resolved to do what we want in the New Year regardless of the consequence?  Most people would quit work and enjoy themselves – doing all the things they are too busy to accomplish. It would be like social networking on steroids. “Ugh, what did you accomplish today?” … “Well, I visited with a few friends over lunch and we laughed A LOT! Then, I went shoe shopping and talked on the phone to my mom for about an hour. I ran some errands and came home to cook dinner for my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend (take your pick). And then we drank and had sex.” Wait a minute, I think I just described at Sex and the City episode. Yes, it’s final. We should all do just whatever the hell we want in 2010. LOL and don’t drink and drive!


Well, well, well….it is finally the countdown to the next decade! It’s about time:)

I am definitely one of those people who makes a LOT of promises for the upcoming year and barely delivers. I rack my brain about things I should have done the year before and think to myself…I will just add them to this year! How about I stop fooling myself into thinking I am actually going to do all those things. So I have decided the following things I will NOT do for the next year and who knows…Murphy’s law may just kick in….These are not in any particular order keep in mind:

1. I will not eat right..I will eat wrong and love every minute of it. You only go around once, so why not have a happy stomach instead of a lean fit angry one!

2. I will NOT lose any weight, in fact I will gain about 500 lbs…I am keeping the number high, so next year I will be pleasantly surprised if I only gain a 100…LOL!

3. I will not give up anything, except worrying about the things I am not giving up~

4. I will continue to crank call all of my friends, even though there is such a thing as caller id now:)

5. I will not fold one piece of laundry or better yet, I won’t even do laundry~Have no fear you will smell my family coming from a mile away!

6. I will continue to make all my friends laugh at ridiculous things and I will never let them forget when they have done something stupid…ummm that is the funny part!

7. I will continue to break out in song in the supermarket, even though the looks have really gotten out of hand. Besides people need to laugh and I need to sing~ I would have tried out for American Idol, but I am out of the age range…so Super Stop & Shop customers you get me and I am not quitting:)

8. I will not quit drinking or smoking on occasion..I love it!

9. I will try a lot of different new things this next year and I will stay completely unorganized while doing it. I will let about 1000 new people in and I am sure only about 3 will stay!

10. Last but not least…I will enjoy every second I have whether it be bills, taxes, household obligations, companies, start-ups, computer viruses, boys and more boys, arguments, laughter, friends, family, crisis, school, jobs, contacts, arguments, fights, small problems, big problems, daily routines, seasons, mornings, not enough sleep, sickness, wellness, vacations, ….you get the idea…I will enjoy every second because then again I am still here and that is most important…Happy New 2010 Year;)”


Saved by the Swine Flu

My son is sick and he has to stay home…not good! He should be in pre-school and God knows I need a break, but the poor little (not so little) thing is a mess and my husband is out-of-town on business. It is just me!

I e-mail everyone to let them know I will not be able to go out on any sales calls…PHEW!!! Actually, I am so happy-I mean what can they say. Nothing and I am his mom. However, if you knew him you might agree that it would be easier to go out on sales calls and get rejected than stay in the house with a cranky sick 4-year-old who insists on playing Star Wars Wii for hours on end.

I don’t hear from them at all, I start to get worried. This is it; I am going to be fired. Still nothing, so I send another e-mail asking if there is anything I can do for them from home? Still no response, OMG I am being fired or I’m really paranoid! I send her an e-mail and ask, “What’s going on? I feel really bad that I can’t work. Are you mad at me?” She replies, “No silly!  You and your son are sick, so I was just leaving you alone.” Oh, Oh, well I feel much better. She tells me that I can work on our Constant Contact database and sends me her contacts and also ask me to get some followers on our Twitter account.  So off I go into viral web space..ohhh ummm!!! Much better than heading out on the road.



Sickness has run through her household and her little Gambino has the swine. I know she feels bad because she is very conscientious and wants to work, but what the heck can you do? I remember feeling that pressure being a single mother “I don’t have time to be sick” or “Crap! My baby’s sick!” What a horrible way to have to live. Plus, it’s a nice break from the horror of selling this product!!! I call to check in on her and now she is sick and very, very upset. She feels like she is going to DIE – yes, DIE — and her husband is out-of-town. Oh no. Her husband is a huge help with the kids. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. PLUS, her mom is in the hospital with high blood pressure. Is this for real??? I don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad. (I better not laugh. She’ll never talk to me again.) I am just going to leave her alone.

Then I get the e-mail “Are you mad at me?” Oh … I feel really badly. No. Of course I’m not mad at her. I actually don’t want her to have a nervous break down – it’s not worth it. What she’s probably sensing more is the uneasiness I feel in trying to help her do well when I don’t even have confidence in this god-forsaken product. Well, let me qualify that: I have confidence, but no one else seems to. I work my tail off, prepare, prospect, question, present, propose, close — and NOTHING! Now, I start to feel sick to my stomach and wonder what is really going on with me.


A day of “call” training~

So she needs a little confidence booster … some direction . . . training???? I’m not quite sure. She is a sharp woman and for goodness sake, she has worked with really high-level people and has done some seriously creative stuff. Why would she need help with this? She’s way over qualified to need help. Okay, I’ll sit with her and we’ll go through her activity, review for areas to improve upon, determine next steps and make some calls. Once you get the system down, it then becomes a formula you apply and Shazam – it starts to work. 

So I get to her house and I end up making her sales calls. I notice her hesitation and asked her if she wanted me to do one. We were like two teenagers making crank calls. Giggling and all wide-eyed when someone I asked for was actually there. I was pretending to be her and you should have seen her face. It was like getting your neighbor’s mother on the phone and they say, “yes” after you ask if their refrigerator is running.

No appointments, but that’s okay. We start to talk about her experiences in the entertainment business and all of the crazy people she met. Well, they weren’t crazy, just characters out of a movie. We start to tell each other things that you wouldn’t normally tell someone you’ve only known for two weeks, but that tells you something. It didn’t feel like two weeks – more like two decades.

We proceed to spend an hour telling each other about different times we have basically lost control of our bodily functions. Now would this be normal discussion for two grown women who are supposed to be, uh … working? Would this talk be something that anyone would admit? Would anyone else even think this was funny? We thought it was hysterical. So friggin’ hysterical that we couldn’t breath. I was in a state of awe. This just couldn’t be real.

What was real was our mundane sales calls for something that suddenly seemed so small. We called it a day and I wasn’t sure we got much accomplished, but I sure laughed my a** off. ~Seltzer

She is coming here!

Oh God, I just got off the phone and she wants to come here and listen to me call my contacts, are you kidding. I don’t want to do this-but she is on her way. 

First thought, I can wear my Uggs, second thought I can dress comfortable. Why do we need to dress up? Yeah, yeah-I get impressions, but after all if you talk stupid and you are wearing nice are still stupid, right?  I better get ready.

In she comes, talking on her Bluetooth and making deals. This is starting to bug me, I have no one to talk to and I am not making deals. LOL!

We sit in my office, I have several things in here and it’s kind of messy. She asks for my contact list. Here it is, she looks and then says, “OK great start calling and I will listen!” Oh no, this is so embarrassing-call to say what-“would you like to purchase some advertising, I came into the store the other day, don’t you remember I am the one who stood there motionless and wanted to die?” LOL~ I tell her, I am not sure what to say, so can she call and pretend she is me, so I can listen to her to get the idea? She agrees.

As I sit and listen to her make the calls, I am astonished by how good she actually is! This is crazy, she was meant for this. She is so nice and polite and just keeps right on talking. She hands the phone to me. I make one call stumble and hang up. This job is not for me; I would be better suited for a grocery clerk (well maybe not that either)!

I have to think on my feet, I quickly change the subject and we start talking about weird things that have happened to us in the past. We are actually laughing together. I look over at her and think…would I be friends with her had it not been for this? Conversation completely changed and I am fine with it, plus my sides are busting open from laughing:) OK… I may like her, but this JOB has got to go!


Published in: on December 21, 2009 at 4:24 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Anticipation or Frustration……..

She’s frustrated. She definitely is a workhorse and wants to succeed. She is wondering why she hasn’t made a sale and it’s week two. Poor thing… not only shouldn’t she be so hard on herself, but she’ll be lucky to make a sale in month two! God, how can I tell her that selling this publication is like driving a stake through Jell-O? UGH! I tell her she’s way too hard on herself and she needs to give herself some time.

She doesn’t want us to think she’s not capable or a loser. Are you kidding me? If she’s going to judge her ability by selling this product that’s not well branded in a bad economy– well, I’ll get the rope for her now. Why waste time?


 Hockey pucks in AZ!

I guess at this point, what I can one wants to buy and I really don’t want to sell. That’s must love what you sell in order to sell it, you must be passionate about what your selling and you must understand it- inside and out…..that right ladies and gentlemen, that’s the key to success and you heard it here, for the 1 trillionth time!!

My first sales job in life was actually selling ice hockey pucks in that my friend is hard. I did very well; however, selling a glossy ad for a glossy magazine in CT…IMPOSSIBLE…lol:)  I was resorting to begging and pleading-this is a nightmare and I am fully engulfed now. Must get a sale, must get a sale, must get at least one!

It starts to make people crazy, the more pressure you put on the sale-the harder it is to obtain. How great, Murphy’s Law is kicking in! I felt like I needed to swoop to more drastic levels, but what was that..extortion maybe..ummm, NO…can’t go to jail for this. I know …just have a good dinner and stop thinking about it, get up tomorrow and have a brand new day!


Our First Networking Event~

Networking. It’s supposed to be the new way to get business. NO MORE COLD CALLING – MEET PEOPLE AND GET REFERRALS. Okay. I’ve been called a master networker and I guess to a degree, I am. I’ve been told I can make a tree talk and I do love helping people, so I am constantly referring people to each other. I guess that makes me a networker and I think she’s one too.

She has a specific territory – her own little world to scan for business. A hawk with a huge field filled with mice for the taking. So when a local Chamber was having a business after hours event, this posed the perfect opportunity for her to stake her claim. And it was at a piano bar – Joe’s Piano. How fun! I tell her about it and she says, “Joe’s Piano? I know all of the bars and restaurants around here and I don’t know about this one.” I tell her that it might be new so it’s entirely possible she hasn’t been there. Hmmm, she knows every bar and restaurant . . . she doesn’t seem like the type of person that would be out drinking all the time, but you never know …

We agree to meet at the event. Even though I’m usually spent by the time these things come around, I’m looking forward to it. She’s fun. She calls me kind of panic-stricken as I’m talking to some people I know in the parking lot. “Where is this place?” I laugh and tell her it’s in an industrial park and it’s Joe’s Piano — like a place that sells pianos! We crack up and I can’t believe that we are the only two that didn’t get it. I even tell the owner the humorous story. He was cordial, but didn’t laugh. Instead he gave me kind of sickly half-smile. Oops.

She arrives and I introduce her to a few folks and we rush to the bar. Lovely, it’s an open bar. We grab some wine. She seems to have gotten held up and I’m stuffing my face with delicious Italian food that the owner actually made himself. Impressive.

I think to myself, “I hope that she knows how to ‘network’ and isn’t telling everyone that they should buy our product.” The funny thing is, she wouldn’t come off as a networking-whore because she’s so likable. It would actually work for her.

I have to leave early so I go to see if she’s okay and she’s kind of slumped up against a wall. Is she listening? Is she in pain? I motion to let her know I’m leaving and mouth, “Are you okay?” She nods yes and looks okay. I hope she’s having fun and finds it useful. I’ll check with her tomorrow to see if she’s gotten any leads and off I go.



I guess with most jobs comes the ultimate evening of networking. Things pop into your head like “You should be there”, “Get out and have your face seen”, “we have to make a presence in this town” and while that all may be true, these networking events are BORING!!!

On this night it was really no different, the only thing in question was where was  it? I live in town and have never heard of this place. A piano bar that I have missed-this kind of thing is my ultimate favorite. I mean getting out of the house to have a few cocktails is nice; however, “networking” not so nice-but I will give it a shot. I have the directions and head out.

As I am driving a friend calls and i tell her where I am going-she instantly tells me that there is no bar at that address and to top it off its in a bad area! WHAT…there has to be a bar, the invite said cocktails..I call Seltzer..immediately she starts laughing and say’s this..”Oh my god, it’s a place that fixes piano’s!”…Great she is there already and it’s not a piano bar, I should have come up with an excuse not to go.

I arrive and go in. Everyone seems pleasant and quietly talking with each other. Seltzer introduces me to a friend of hers, but the conversation goes no where. Another gentleman starts talking to me who is a real estate guy and he is complaining about the country & the economy. As I manuever through the crowd, I am stunned by the looks on people faces. No one is really happy or laughing it has more of a funeral like setting. I go down 2 glasses of wine. I then talk to another girl who it’s her first time there too, she has no $$ and is complaining as well. 

Seltzer has to go and at this point I am literally having the wall hold me up. I question the reason, “why are we all standing around a piano store hoping to get business but not actually talking about it? What am I doing here..and when is a streaker going to run through the room?”

I had enough and left…and the “streaker” never showed..LOL!


Oh God, He Wants to Have a Sales Meeting?

So he sends me an e-mail the other day and tells me he wants to have a sales meeting. Are you serious? We just hired our first hire; she’s only had a few days out on the street – what the heck is there to meet about? The poor thing is going to be so freaked out and nervous. She’s just getting the hang of it and if he starts to drill her on what she thinks she’s going to sell; she’s just going to look at him like I do. It’s a look that says, “You are such an idiot.”

So I’m off – late of course. This is very bad. I need to make a good impression as her boss, but I have a tendency to cram everything in at the last minute. I’m dashing up and I give him the “I’ll be a little late” call. He seems okay and I’m not so sure what I’m worried about because he is never on time.

I arrive and he looks irritated. She looks okay – not frightened. I’m so glad! She’s not dressed up, which I guess is okay, but I wonder what he thinks. There are so many instincts that he’s right on with and then others that he’s kind of a doink about. And I’m not sure if his expression is irritation or if he has to fart (he does that in meetings sometimes).

I think we are going to have an organized meeting – you know like with an agenda. Instead he has a ton of our competitor magazines, brochures and direct mail pieces that he proceeds to go through and rip apart. He is giving her leads. I cannot believe he had us drive all the way up here (an hour away) to go through leads.

He is flinging pieces of paper at her fast and furious. I can’t believe he is doing this. She has a list that she created and we added to. This was her starter list. It’s so important for her to get through that and not feel overwhelmed. The key is to keep them focused – especially in the first three months when your head is swimming with information overload. UGH. What can I do? I join in because if I don’t he’ll give her stuff that has already been started. Now I am managing two people. One that needs it and one that doesn’t, and the one that does is flinging papers at a young woman sitting at his dining room table.


Sales, schmales!!!!

I get an email regarding a sales meeting at his house for 9:00am..what are you kidding, that is so early and he lives about 30 minutes from me~?

Go with it, it’s my job. So I get the boys on the bus , throw on some jeans, pink converse, ponytail…and head out. On the drive I am thinking to myself, what is this meeting going to be about…”prospects”..I have none..LOL, “How to get more prospects”…I don’t want one…”What to do when I get a sale”..who knows..this is worse then going to the dentist. 

I finally find the house, way out in the woods. Nice looking house, he comes out and is standing on the front steps…OMG he is wearing a Charlie Brown sweater with tan pants..I throw up in my mouth (not really but you get the drift!)

I go in and he shows me around a little and then asks if i want some coffee. I said sure, he then replies…”Can you make it, because I don’t know how to work our coffee maker?”……NOOOOOOOO…I have no idea how to use this machine, fine no coffee it is!

We talk for awhile, he is pacing a lot and we are waiting for her to come..where is she? Finally she walks in all happy and bubbly and annoying!

We sit down and I am expecting to talk about stuff and get a feel for what’s going on, instead they start ripping ad’s out of flyers, newspapers, magazines, and chucking them at me…WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

One after another, after another..I am now getting papercuts and if this is a meeting, I want no part of it. I am writing and talking notes and trying to keep up with them…this is crazy, ad’s flying around and the funny part..I am the only one getting all the ad’s……Finally the misery comes to an end.

I walk out with all my leaflets of paper and ad’s and head to the car. Put my stuff in, they are standing there..”Now get out there and sell” he says…BYE!

I drive away and head to McDonalds for a breather…phew….


Holiday Wishes from France

You know that you’ve had too much to drink at the office party when you start faking french. We just hope that one of these women is not the boss. We’re not sure if it started to break down when they wrapped themselves in garland or when they put those hats on. Thank God there was no mistletoe in the building.

Even funnier, a woman at the party thought the fake french talker was really french. Will the real parisian please stand up.