Here’s to 2010!

So the clock is ticking and everyone is happy 2010 is coming to an end. While 2009 was a supremely crappy year for a lot of folks, I must admit that I can’t complain. Before you try to jump through the computer to strangle me for being so positive, let me reflect and maybe you can relate to my experience:

  • I don’t miss any of the things I stopped spending my money on.
  • The brutal economy and difficulty selling anything has made me realize that the only thing keeping me in sales was the money.
  • My frustration led to me leaving one job, where I was letting myself be completely taken advantage of, to being on the verge of doing what makes me happy.
  • And then there are the basics: I’m healthy, have a roof over my head, plenty to eat and lack for nothing.

Does any of this sound familiar? Maybe if we all started to appreciate things more, we would have nothing to bitch about. But then what would we do?

That brings me to the next big revelation from 2009. Most people I know, instead of being afraid to lose their jobs and sucking up incessantly to their bosses, are realizing they HATE what they do and they are thinking about creating their next “it.” What if we all resolved to do what we want in the New Year regardless of the consequence?  Most people would quit work and enjoy themselves – doing all the things they are too busy to accomplish. It would be like social networking on steroids. “Ugh, what did you accomplish today?” … “Well, I visited with a few friends over lunch and we laughed A LOT! Then, I went shoe shopping and talked on the phone to my mom for about an hour. I ran some errands and came home to cook dinner for my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend (take your pick). And then we drank and had sex.” Wait a minute, I think I just described at Sex and the City episode. Yes, it’s final. We should all do just whatever the hell we want in 2010. LOL and don’t drink and drive!

 Finally~

Well, well, well….it is finally the countdown to the next decade! It’s about time:)

I am definitely one of those people who makes a LOT of promises for the upcoming year and barely delivers. I rack my brain about things I should have done the year before and think to myself…I will just add them to this year! How about I stop fooling myself into thinking I am actually going to do all those things. So I have decided the following things I will NOT do for the next year and who knows…Murphy’s law may just kick in….These are not in any particular order keep in mind:

1. I will not eat right..I will eat wrong and love every minute of it. You only go around once, so why not have a happy stomach instead of a lean fit angry one!

2. I will NOT lose any weight, in fact I will gain about 500 lbs…I am keeping the number high, so next year I will be pleasantly surprised if I only gain a 100…LOL!

3. I will not give up anything, except worrying about the things I am not giving up~

4. I will continue to crank call all of my friends, even though there is such a thing as caller id now:)

5. I will not fold one piece of laundry or better yet, I won’t even do laundry~Have no fear you will smell my family coming from a mile away!

6. I will continue to make all my friends laugh at ridiculous things and I will never let them forget when they have done something stupid…ummm that is the funny part!

7. I will continue to break out in song in the supermarket, even though the looks have really gotten out of hand. Besides people need to laugh and I need to sing~ I would have tried out for American Idol, but I am out of the age range…so Super Stop & Shop customers you get me and I am not quitting:)

8. I will not quit drinking or smoking on occasion..I love it!

9. I will try a lot of different new things this next year and I will stay completely unorganized while doing it. I will let about 1000 new people in and I am sure only about 3 will stay!

10. Last but not least…I will enjoy every second I have whether it be bills, taxes, household obligations, companies, start-ups, computer viruses, boys and more boys, arguments, laughter, friends, family, crisis, school, jobs, contacts, arguments, fights, small problems, big problems, daily routines, seasons, mornings, not enough sleep, sickness, wellness, vacations, ….you get the idea…I will enjoy every second because then again I am still here and that is most important…Happy New 2010 Year;)”

~PINK

Saved by the Swine Flu

My son is sick and he has to stay home…not good! He should be in pre-school and God knows I need a break, but the poor little (not so little) thing is a mess and my husband is out-of-town on business. It is just me!

I e-mail everyone to let them know I will not be able to go out on any sales calls…PHEW!!! Actually, I am so happy-I mean what can they say. Nothing and I am his mom. However, if you knew him you might agree that it would be easier to go out on sales calls and get rejected than stay in the house with a cranky sick 4-year-old who insists on playing Star Wars Wii for hours on end.

I don’t hear from them at all, I start to get worried. This is it; I am going to be fired. Still nothing, so I send another e-mail asking if there is anything I can do for them from home? Still no response, OMG I am being fired or I’m really paranoid! I send her an e-mail and ask, “What’s going on? I feel really bad that I can’t work. Are you mad at me?” She replies, “No silly!  You and your son are sick, so I was just leaving you alone.” Oh, Oh, well I feel much better. She tells me that I can work on our Constant Contact database and sends me her contacts and also ask me to get some followers on our Twitter account.  So off I go into viral web space..ohhh ummm!!! Much better than heading out on the road.

-Pink

Sickness

Sickness has run through her household and her little Gambino has the swine. I know she feels bad because she is very conscientious and wants to work, but what the heck can you do? I remember feeling that pressure being a single mother “I don’t have time to be sick” or “Crap! My baby’s sick!” What a horrible way to have to live. Plus, it’s a nice break from the horror of selling this product!!! I call to check in on her and now she is sick and very, very upset. She feels like she is going to DIE – yes, DIE — and her husband is out-of-town. Oh no. Her husband is a huge help with the kids. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. PLUS, her mom is in the hospital with high blood pressure. Is this for real??? I don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad. (I better not laugh. She’ll never talk to me again.) I am just going to leave her alone.

Then I get the e-mail “Are you mad at me?” Oh … I feel really badly. No. Of course I’m not mad at her. I actually don’t want her to have a nervous break down – it’s not worth it. What she’s probably sensing more is the uneasiness I feel in trying to help her do well when I don’t even have confidence in this god-forsaken product. Well, let me qualify that: I have confidence, but no one else seems to. I work my tail off, prepare, prospect, question, present, propose, close — and NOTHING! Now, I start to feel sick to my stomach and wonder what is really going on with me.

-Seltzer

A day of “call” training~

So she needs a little confidence booster … some direction . . . training???? I’m not quite sure. She is a sharp woman and for goodness sake, she has worked with really high-level people and has done some seriously creative stuff. Why would she need help with this? She’s way over qualified to need help. Okay, I’ll sit with her and we’ll go through her activity, review for areas to improve upon, determine next steps and make some calls. Once you get the system down, it then becomes a formula you apply and Shazam – it starts to work. 

So I get to her house and I end up making her sales calls. I notice her hesitation and asked her if she wanted me to do one. We were like two teenagers making crank calls. Giggling and all wide-eyed when someone I asked for was actually there. I was pretending to be her and you should have seen her face. It was like getting your neighbor’s mother on the phone and they say, “yes” after you ask if their refrigerator is running.

No appointments, but that’s okay. We start to talk about her experiences in the entertainment business and all of the crazy people she met. Well, they weren’t crazy, just characters out of a movie. We start to tell each other things that you wouldn’t normally tell someone you’ve only known for two weeks, but that tells you something. It didn’t feel like two weeks – more like two decades.

We proceed to spend an hour telling each other about different times we have basically lost control of our bodily functions. Now would this be normal discussion for two grown women who are supposed to be, uh … working? Would this talk be something that anyone would admit? Would anyone else even think this was funny? We thought it was hysterical. So friggin’ hysterical that we couldn’t breath. I was in a state of awe. This just couldn’t be real.

What was real was our mundane sales calls for something that suddenly seemed so small. We called it a day and I wasn’t sure we got much accomplished, but I sure laughed my a** off. ~Seltzer

She is coming here!

Oh God, I just got off the phone and she wants to come here and listen to me call my contacts, are you kidding. I don’t want to do this-but she is on her way. 

First thought, I can wear my Uggs, second thought I can dress comfortable. Why do we need to dress up? Yeah, yeah-I get impressions, but after all if you talk stupid and you are wearing nice clothes..you are still stupid, right?  I better get ready.

In she comes, talking on her Bluetooth and making deals. This is starting to bug me, I have no one to talk to and I am not making deals. LOL!

We sit in my office, I have several things in here and it’s kind of messy. She asks for my contact list. Here it is, she looks and then says, “OK great start calling and I will listen!” Oh no, this is so embarrassing-call to say what-“would you like to purchase some advertising, I came into the store the other day, don’t you remember I am the one who stood there motionless and wanted to die?” LOL~ I tell her, I am not sure what to say, so can she call and pretend she is me, so I can listen to her to get the idea? She agrees.

As I sit and listen to her make the calls, I am astonished by how good she actually is! This is crazy, she was meant for this. She is so nice and polite and just keeps right on talking. She hands the phone to me. I make one call stumble and hang up. This job is not for me; I would be better suited for a grocery clerk (well maybe not that either)!

I have to think on my feet, I quickly change the subject and we start talking about weird things that have happened to us in the past. We are actually laughing together. I look over at her and think…would I be friends with her had it not been for this? Conversation completely changed and I am fine with it, plus my sides are busting open from laughing:) OK… I may like her, but this JOB has got to go!

~PINK

Published in: on December 21, 2009 at 4:24 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Anticipation or Frustration……..

She’s frustrated. She definitely is a workhorse and wants to succeed. She is wondering why she hasn’t made a sale and it’s week two. Poor thing… not only shouldn’t she be so hard on herself, but she’ll be lucky to make a sale in month two! God, how can I tell her that selling this publication is like driving a stake through Jell-O? UGH! I tell her she’s way too hard on herself and she needs to give herself some time.

She doesn’t want us to think she’s not capable or a loser. Are you kidding me? If she’s going to judge her ability by selling this product that’s not well branded in a bad economy– well, I’ll get the rope for her now. Why waste time?

~Seltzer

 Hockey pucks in AZ!

I guess at this point, what I can say..no one wants to buy and I really don’t want to sell. That’s it..you must love what you sell in order to sell it, you must be passionate about what your selling and you must understand it- inside and out…..that right ladies and gentlemen, that’s the key to success and you heard it here, for the 1 trillionth time!!

My first sales job in life was actually selling ice hockey pucks in Arizona..now that my friend is hard. I did very well; however, selling a glossy ad for a glossy magazine in CT…IMPOSSIBLE…lol:)  I was resorting to begging and pleading-this is a nightmare and I am fully engulfed now. Must get a sale, must get a sale, must get at least one!

It starts to make people crazy, the more pressure you put on the sale-the harder it is to obtain. How great, Murphy’s Law is kicking in! I felt like I needed to swoop to more drastic levels, but what was that..extortion maybe..ummm, NO…can’t go to jail for this. I know …just have a good dinner and stop thinking about it, get up tomorrow and have a brand new day!

~PINK

Our First Networking Event~

Networking. It’s supposed to be the new way to get business. NO MORE COLD CALLING – MEET PEOPLE AND GET REFERRALS. Okay. I’ve been called a master networker and I guess to a degree, I am. I’ve been told I can make a tree talk and I do love helping people, so I am constantly referring people to each other. I guess that makes me a networker and I think she’s one too.

She has a specific territory – her own little world to scan for business. A hawk with a huge field filled with mice for the taking. So when a local Chamber was having a business after hours event, this posed the perfect opportunity for her to stake her claim. And it was at a piano bar – Joe’s Piano. How fun! I tell her about it and she says, “Joe’s Piano? I know all of the bars and restaurants around here and I don’t know about this one.” I tell her that it might be new so it’s entirely possible she hasn’t been there. Hmmm, she knows every bar and restaurant . . . she doesn’t seem like the type of person that would be out drinking all the time, but you never know …

We agree to meet at the event. Even though I’m usually spent by the time these things come around, I’m looking forward to it. She’s fun. She calls me kind of panic-stricken as I’m talking to some people I know in the parking lot. “Where is this place?” I laugh and tell her it’s in an industrial park and it’s Joe’s Piano — like a place that sells pianos! We crack up and I can’t believe that we are the only two that didn’t get it. I even tell the owner the humorous story. He was cordial, but didn’t laugh. Instead he gave me kind of sickly half-smile. Oops.

She arrives and I introduce her to a few folks and we rush to the bar. Lovely, it’s an open bar. We grab some wine. She seems to have gotten held up and I’m stuffing my face with delicious Italian food that the owner actually made himself. Impressive.

I think to myself, “I hope that she knows how to ‘network’ and isn’t telling everyone that they should buy our product.” The funny thing is, she wouldn’t come off as a networking-whore because she’s so likable. It would actually work for her.

I have to leave early so I go to see if she’s okay and she’s kind of slumped up against a wall. Is she listening? Is she in pain? I motion to let her know I’m leaving and mouth, “Are you okay?” She nods yes and looks okay. I hope she’s having fun and finds it useful. I’ll check with her tomorrow to see if she’s gotten any leads and off I go.

Seltzer~

Piano=Bar?

I guess with most jobs comes the ultimate evening of networking. Things pop into your head like “You should be there”, “Get out and have your face seen”, “we have to make a presence in this town” and while that all may be true, these networking events are BORING!!!

On this night it was really no different, the only thing in question was where was  it? I live in town and have never heard of this place. A piano bar that I have missed-this kind of thing is my ultimate favorite. I mean getting out of the house to have a few cocktails is nice; however, “networking” not so nice-but I will give it a shot. I have the directions and head out.

As I am driving a friend calls and i tell her where I am going-she instantly tells me that there is no bar at that address and to top it off its in a bad area! WHAT…there has to be a bar, the invite said cocktails..I call Seltzer..immediately she starts laughing and say’s this..”Oh my god, it’s a place that fixes piano’s!”…Great she is there already and it’s not a piano bar, I should have come up with an excuse not to go.

I arrive and go in. Everyone seems pleasant and quietly talking with each other. Seltzer introduces me to a friend of hers, but the conversation goes no where. Another gentleman starts talking to me who is a real estate guy and he is complaining about the country & the economy. As I manuever through the crowd, I am stunned by the looks on people faces. No one is really happy or laughing it has more of a funeral like setting. I go down 2 glasses of wine. I then talk to another girl who it’s her first time there too, she has no $$ and is complaining as well. 

Seltzer has to go and at this point I am literally having the wall hold me up. I question the reason, “why are we all standing around a piano store hoping to get business but not actually talking about it? What am I doing here..and when is a streaker going to run through the room?”

I had enough and left…and the “streaker” never showed..LOL!

~Pink

Oh God, He Wants to Have a Sales Meeting?

So he sends me an e-mail the other day and tells me he wants to have a sales meeting. Are you serious? We just hired our first hire; she’s only had a few days out on the street – what the heck is there to meet about? The poor thing is going to be so freaked out and nervous. She’s just getting the hang of it and if he starts to drill her on what she thinks she’s going to sell; she’s just going to look at him like I do. It’s a look that says, “You are such an idiot.”

So I’m off – late of course. This is very bad. I need to make a good impression as her boss, but I have a tendency to cram everything in at the last minute. I’m dashing up and I give him the “I’ll be a little late” call. He seems okay and I’m not so sure what I’m worried about because he is never on time.

I arrive and he looks irritated. She looks okay – not frightened. I’m so glad! She’s not dressed up, which I guess is okay, but I wonder what he thinks. There are so many instincts that he’s right on with and then others that he’s kind of a doink about. And I’m not sure if his expression is irritation or if he has to fart (he does that in meetings sometimes).

I think we are going to have an organized meeting – you know like with an agenda. Instead he has a ton of our competitor magazines, brochures and direct mail pieces that he proceeds to go through and rip apart. He is giving her leads. I cannot believe he had us drive all the way up here (an hour away) to go through leads.

He is flinging pieces of paper at her fast and furious. I can’t believe he is doing this. She has a list that she created and we added to. This was her starter list. It’s so important for her to get through that and not feel overwhelmed. The key is to keep them focused – especially in the first three months when your head is swimming with information overload. UGH. What can I do? I join in because if I don’t he’ll give her stuff that has already been started. Now I am managing two people. One that needs it and one that doesn’t, and the one that does is flinging papers at a young woman sitting at his dining room table.

~Seltzer

Sales, schmales!!!!

I get an email regarding a sales meeting at his house for 9:00am..what are you kidding, that is so early and he lives about 30 minutes from me~?

Go with it, it’s my job. So I get the boys on the bus , throw on some jeans, pink converse, ponytail…and head out. On the drive I am thinking to myself, what is this meeting going to be about…”prospects”..I have none..LOL, “How to get more prospects”…I don’t want one…”What to do when I get a sale”..who knows..this is worse then going to the dentist. 

I finally find the house, way out in the woods. Nice looking house, he comes out and is standing on the front steps…OMG he is wearing a Charlie Brown sweater with tan pants..I throw up in my mouth (not really but you get the drift!)

I go in and he shows me around a little and then asks if i want some coffee. I said sure, he then replies…”Can you make it, because I don’t know how to work our coffee maker?”……NOOOOOOOO…I have no idea how to use this machine, fine no coffee it is!

We talk for awhile, he is pacing a lot and we are waiting for her to come..where is she? Finally she walks in all happy and bubbly and annoying!

We sit down and I am expecting to talk about stuff and get a feel for what’s going on, instead they start ripping ad’s out of flyers, newspapers, magazines, and chucking them at me…WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

One after another, after another..I am now getting papercuts and if this is a meeting, I want no part of it. I am writing and talking notes and trying to keep up with them…this is crazy, ad’s flying around and the funny part..I am the only one getting all the ad’s……Finally the misery comes to an end.

I walk out with all my leaflets of paper and ad’s and head to the car. Put my stuff in, they are standing there..”Now get out there and sell” he says…BYE!

I drive away and head to McDonalds for a breather…phew….

~Pink

Holiday Wishes from France

You know that you’ve had too much to drink at the office party when you start faking french. We just hope that one of these women is not the boss. We’re not sure if it started to break down when they wrapped themselves in garland or when they put those hats on. Thank God there was no mistletoe in the building.

Even funnier, a woman at the party thought the fake french talker was really french. Will the real parisian please stand up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgKEVrQP5kU

Pounding the pavement alone….

OK…well I have convinced her I can go out on my own. How hard could it be, go in drop of some paperwork, introduce myself, get acquainted with the store-cake!

Get dressed and get all my forms organized. Check in the mirror-I look great and I head out the door. First stop, someone I know.

Well, he is not there. Leave a bunch of stuff, get their business card, give them mine and tell them I will be in touch. Head to my car-write down the info & smoke. Not so bad, only 300 more to go.

Next stop, walk in ask to speak with the person in charge of marketing and advertising and then gentlemen if we can call him that) just says NO. I am sorry what do you mean by NO; he states it again-NO. I am about to start punching this guy, holding it all in I reply. “No, he is not here or No I cannot speak to him?”

The guy just starts yelling for me to leave-obviously someone has had a bad day and if I wasn’t holding my business cards. I think I would have pounded him. Literally. I leave and think-the economy shomony people have gotten rude in this day and age and where the hell did customer service go?

In my car, I pull away and drive in circles through town wondering what to do and where to go? I finally pull in to a kid’s place, which I think should be a lot smoother then where I just left, good lord!

I walk up with all my forms and paperwork and ask the same question “I was just wondering if I could talk with the person who is in charge and leave off some information?”  Her response “there not here”, my response “well who are they and do they have a name?” No, she says and takes the stuff-“I will give it to them”

I leave immediately and head home-this job sucks and I am not a loser although I play one when doing sales. LOL Nightmare of a day-

Pink~

Her First Day Alone~

Oh, it was her first day alone! It’s like gently nudging the little one out of the nest to fly on their own.  I was confident that with her training, genuine easy-going nature and contacts in town, she would have a GREAT day. It’s not like I expected the poor soul to sell anything, but she just might hit it out of the park. God, if she did, I would look really, really bad. Oh well, then I would know if I just sucked with this type of media or if it really was the economy, the rates, the product (and it goes on and on and on and on.)

Plus, I had a lot to do so I was glad to have the free time.

I decided to check in and was excited to hear that she had a great day. She picked up the phone and I remember something like screaming.

Her: “Oh my God! It was awful, just awful! All I could think was I am going to quit!”

Me: (inside, “ok. I better fix this.”) outside: “What do you mean? What happened!”?

People were actually rude to her and some would not even give her the name of who was in charge of the advertising. My first thought was, “Ugh, that a**hole told her to ask that stupid cheesy question that NO ONE answers today!” Regardless, only she could have had such a horrendous day. I mean very, very few women get “thrown out.” And she’s so NICE. This makes absolutely no sense. I can’t BELIEVE it.

She did however turn the frustration and screaming into what one might call an assertive sales tactic. She contacted a friend who was on the board of one of the places where the woman was rude to her. (I later found out the woman also whipped something across the room to express her frustration with a customer call. Clearly, “my girl” was not the problem here!) She DEMANDED a meeting with the people in charge to get her an ad. Damn.  She’s going to sell an ad if she kills someone to do it.

Oh, I hope her next day is better.

Seltzer~

Published in: on December 14, 2009 at 9:11 am  Leave a Comment  
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2nd Day of Training~

It was time for another day of training and I was starting to realize just how horrible this job must be to someone on the outside. Well, maybe she won’t notice!  

As I was telling her some of my best stuff, she kept saying, “yup.” Hell, who were we kidding – was it time for lunch? That was where we really shined anyway. I promised her my tongue wouldn’t blow up.

I think this lunch was the first one that started the transformation of our relationship from boss/employee to “girls just wanna have fun.” I don’t remember what story it was that began the side-splitting laughter, but this was where it all began. And it was at the Olive Garden, which was even funnier because we both love it and it seems so … unsophisticated.

 ~Seltzer

A not so Italian Day

It was raining out and she had called in the morning, I told her I was going to go out to a few more places. Later she calls and she is in West Hartford, I immediately think she is stalking me to make sure I am going into establishments…Oh god. I ask if she wants to meet for lunch-something about lunch, we are always good at this. LOL

 She say’s fine and we decide on Olive Garden, Oh my god-Olive Garden YUCK. This is a disgrace for all Italians out there and she is Italian, as well. Oh well, at least it will take up time and I won’t have to go into any more places for the day.

She comes in and has on an ORANGE long sweater, yes you heard me right. I could never in a million years wear this sweater; I would be mistaken for some sort of Pumpkin on the loose. She actually can pull it off, even the waitress comments on it. WOW– I am shocked, the police would probably use a stungun on me. LOL

 As we sit and talk our conversation turns to family and life, not really business. I learn her sister has passed away and now she is telling some story about a guy who is going to lose his dog to cancer. She strikes me as abrupt and “It is what is” very matter of fact-I am still unsure as to what type of person she is and if we could ever be friends outside of this horrible job?

 She is so bubbly and nice and talking and laughing, I just want to say-My god, this job sucks and come to grips with yourself. It’s hell!! I say nothing and we do laugh a little more, lunch ends-she is off to appointments-I however; am going straight home….ummm it’s raining for god’s sake!!!

~Pink

 

The Tongue Incident~

This was just bizarre and this is where it all began. At that time, I’m not sure I knew “it,” but this was “it.” I took her out on a full day of prospecting. It went really well. No one was rude and we had a chance to actually sit and talk to a few quasi-decision makers, and someone even said they were interested. Yes! So, it was a success and I’m sure she picked up a lot of insight. Once she got the hang of the whole “on the road” thing in outside sales, she would be fine.

(I think I remember that she told her husband she was so uncomfortable from the first time we went out. It got hot and we didn’t take our blazers off. Her, I’m not sure why. Me, I didn’t shave that week and I had no sleeves on my shirt! She told me her husband called to ask about her day and she yelled at him, “I can’t talk to you right now. I’m uncomfortable!” I think the audio of her saying that playing over in my head was the first time I got a deep chuckle from this hysterical person I think of a soul sister. (Gitchy gitchy ya ya.)

She asked if I wanted lunch. Of course! I was starving! The restaurant she picked was in the same location as a restaurant that I had gotten food poisoning at. I chuckled secretly to myself and confidently agreed to go there because, hey, it’s a different place now. I once again wolfed my food down and we proceeded to drive away so she could get her kids. If it was only that simple.  . .

My tongue felt like it was blowing up. Not like the whole thing and not like it was going to explode, but I could feel a small, hard ball at the end of it. “That’s weird,” I’m thinking. “I don’t remember that ball there before.” I’m having a private conversation in my head and pressing my tongue between my teeth to determine if this is a ball, if it is growing, if it hurts. What the heck?! I decide to get realistic AND I remembered my horoscope – yes – my horoscope. My horoscope for that day indicated that all my “i”s would be dotted and “t”s crossed, but nothing would prepare me for the interruption I would have and it would be (verbatim) “a doozy and I better think quick about how to deal with it.” Oye, now I become George Castanza from Seinfeld and proceed to overreact.

See, I had two allergic reactions in my life that made my lips and face swell. The last time I had this happen the doctor said, “Well, it’s something you ate and when it happens again, it will get progressively worse. We can stick you with a bunch of needles to determine the allergy or you can carry Benadryl with you.” I also promptly remembered my mother having a reaction to seafood and getting rushed to the hospital where they told her she almost died from asphyxiation as her tongue had swelled. So I begin to scramble for Benadryl in my bag and calmly ask her if there is a clinic in the area. Unbeknownst to me, she doesn’t do well in extreme situations. Actually, she doesn’t do well even in mild situations. Now that I know her, and she has mentioned this several times, it is a miracle of God the she gave childbirth.

She starts to scream at me “A clinic. NO. Why do you need a clinic? Well, there’s UCONN. Do you want to go there??!!!???!!”

Me: “No, if we have to drive to UCONN it might take too long. Where is there a walk-in clinic? My tongue is blowing up.”

She: “Your tongue is blowing up. Why? What’s wrong? Oh my GOD. You need a clinic. Why do you need a clinic?”

Me: “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I just need to go to a walk-in to make sure it’s okay.”

Well after all the drama, a walk-in was literally around the corner. Phew. I knew they would take me right away and I told her just to take my car to get her little monkey. She called him her “four –year old thing” and told me he acted like a mafooch and looked like Sammy the Bull Gravano. I could not WAIT to meet this kid. Off we both went as I profusely apologized. She didn’t know why I was apologizing, and I’m not so sure I did either, but I just hate it when people feel uncomfortable!

It turned out just fine and I took the Claritin that was in my bag (note to self: put lots of Benadryl in the bag!) The doctors were a little standoffish and didn’t even want to touch my tongue. I kept sticking out and saying, “Can you see it?” They would kind of back away. What was that all about? I wanted them to put a latex glove on and squeeze my tongue so they could feel it. How else could they diagnose it!

She makes it back with “Sammy” – oh my God – this kid does look like him and is the cutest Chubaka you’ve ever seen. Apparently my condition caused quite a ruckus at pick-up time at daycare. We laughed all the way home and I tried not to scare her kid. After all, I’m the lady whose tongue just “blew up” and he’s four. His visual is tissue and blood all over the place.

She FaceBook’d about it that night and got LOTS of response. I guess these things happen to her… Ahh, gotta love sales training.

~Seltzer

It has been said, that everywhere I go there are dilemmas and that statement is VERY true. This day would be like any other in my life, drama filled.  I am heading out with her to go on sales calls. Oh fun! Anyway, she picks me up at my house and off we go. She has a list of places and her car has papers everywhere of clients and people and articles and stuff, there is definitely a method to her madness.

Driving around we are hitting several places, in and out of the car, in and out–annoying! Then she is dialing her phone with a blue tooth and talking, this girl is all business and she is fast. I am more of the turtle and she is the hare. I still get there but in my own fashion.

Finally after circling a huge parking lot in New Britain for what seemed like hours and then walking another mile to get to the office we were looking for, I am exhausted. You see when you run your own company, like I did, you plot these things out….this would have been a day trip for me. LOL, but it was actually our last stop and so we decided to head back to town for lunch.

We eat and talk and I can tell we are comfortable with each other and there is something about her that is very intriguing. Almost like, we should have been friends for years. We finish lunch and head to the car. I have to go and pick up my son at 3:00 and it is like 2:45.

Driving she says, “Heather is there a walk-in clinic around here?”

Me: “WHAT…WHAT’S the matter?!@

She: “I think I may be having an allergic reaction to something I just ate~”

Me: Are you KIDDING, OMG this is horrible, do you want to go to UCONN, how can you tell?”

 She: My tongue is swelling.

 Me: Are you kidding me, are you going to die? What!!! OMG this is horrible, what do we do. OMG turn around and go to the clinic up the street-

There was a lot more screaming and yelling, but it is blurred at this point for me.

All I keep thinking is what if she dies and I am with her and OMG!

She does a U-turn in the street and we head back to the clinic, we walk in and there she goes up to the desk and tells them the problem, she then turns to me and tells me to take her car and go get my son.

I fly out of there and to his daycare. Run in and tell him “we have to go quick, the lady I work with, her tongue just blew up in the car.we have to go quick!” His response like any other 4 yr old, “What mama, her tongue blew up and there is blood and guts all over?” No, no I have no time to explain this, just get in the car with your bike and all your bags.

We head back to the clinic and wait. While waiting he is convinced when she comes out her tongue will be gone and she will just have a head. Wait, wait, wait, finally she comes out and it turns out everything will be ok. He keeps checking her face. LOL.

I had to Facebook that evening and no one who knows me was really surprised, after all it’s just a day in the life of ME!

Pink~