Another benefit of working from your home is that you get to train in comfort. I sent her a ton of stuff to look over. I know it was a lot, but it’s better to digest it all and then come prepared – right? I’ve got all my stuff and I figure it will be just an easy day of training, but I have one sales call to make before she comes. “Damn,” I thought. “I’m on a roll and I hate having to leave the house. It’s such an interruption!” (Ah, you could use a sale dummy) but now I clearly understand it was my gut telling me there would be no sale.
I drive to the home-based business (strike one, but understandable given the nature of the work) of a woman whose father has been battling an illness. She was kind enough to schedule amidst the back and forth with her father. The business section of the property was locked so I walk toward a mildly run-down older home with an addition on it (strike two – probably has a small budget). I press the doorbell and was glad that the sleeping dog did not awake. Hmmm, the bell doesn’t work. I’ll try the front door. I get to the front door and ring when I see a tiny beautiful, but dead, bird on the doorstep. The internal dialogue starts:
“Oh, how pretty. Poor little thing. God, if I was the woman, I would be embarrassed if someone came to my house and there was a dead bird on the doorstep. Maybe she has a cat. No… it doesn’t look shredded. No sign that it hit the wall. Should I kick it off the stoop so she doesn’t see it? God, but what if she sees me and then thinks I’m just horribly mean. Well, I’ll just smile when she answers the door. Maybe I can make a joke? No. Better not.”
No answer.
I leave one of those bulls**t messages that hide the fact you really want to tell them to go to hell for standing you up. “Hi xxx. I had you on my calendar today, but maybe I was mistaken. I will be in the area for a while (lie) so give me a call if you are still available.” I decide to try the back part of the house again where the dog was. I go to the door and knock very hard. While I am doing so the owner calls apologizing profusely that she had to rush her father to the hospital. Her voice starts to shake. I feel just awful … and then I notice that the sleeping dog does not move. I can’t believe this. A dying father, a dead bird and a dead dog!!!! I knock really, really hard. No movement. I look really, really close. His tongue is hanging out and his eyes are open. It’s all I can do not to say, “Holy s**t lady. Your dog is dead too!” Thank God I keep my big mouth shut and run for my life.
I don’t know whether to cry or laugh, but all I know is that this is so bizzarro I just have to tell someone. When she gets to my house for training, I tell her this crazy story. I’m not much of a crier so I’m kind of laughing. I think she’s a little horrified because she doesn’t laugh at all. I think, “Okay, I’ll be quiet now.”
After stuffing her with oodles of information, it was time to stuff ourselves with some food. We ordered pizza and I wolfed it down. (I really need to stop that. I think it freaks people out – not necessarily grosses them out, but has the potential to.) Anyway, we talked a little outside of work, but not a lot and I was thankful for this. My last hire was a communications nightmare. I loved her personality and wit, but she digressed for a solid 20 minutes about 5 minutes into each phase of training. Plus, this was my big chance to implement an effective sales process to create successful employees and a successful company. What the hell was I so serious for? It seems like a hundred years ago.
She started to glaze over after hour 4 and said she had to go home and get her kids. Ewe . . . I know, I know, kids are important and they’re fun as heck, but that’s the hard a** in me. Work, work, work while you’re on the clock. Funny though, she mentioned to me that she had a very strong work ethic and I knew that to work in the entertainment field creating what she did she HAD TO HAVE a strong work ethic. I wasn’t concerned. Go get your munchkins.
–Seltzer
First Day on the Job
I am told to be at her house at 10:00am on Monday to go over training stuff. Ok fine, but I will be in casual clothes and be comfortable. I drive out to the house and as I pull up, I am amazed. Wow, she lives here? It was beautiful! The house was stunning with a giant circular driveway overlooking a lake. Mental note to self…she is not being invited over my house.
I ring the bell, she opens the door. She is standing in business attire with big puffy white slippers on and begins this story, “I just got back from a clients and as I walked up the step-there was a dead bird on the walk. I wanted to kick it out of the way so the client wouldn’t be embarrassed, but I didn’t. Then I kept ringing the bell and knocking and no one was coming to the door, but I could see her dog.so I kept ringing the bell and knocking…BUT then I noticed the dog was dead, it’s tongue was hanging out and it was dead…finally my cell rang and it was the client and she had to take her father to the hospital and he was dying!”
Are you kidding me I thought to myself…this is crazy. I don’t want this freaking job! I inhale and follow her out to the kitchen where she proceeds to overload my brain with sales lingo, rates, one sheets, customer service templates, web passwords, etc.
We eat lunch, we finally finish up and we head to her garage where she piles loads and loads of stuff into my arms for the job. This is not what I had bargained for, why all this paper and stuff…OMG, I am in ad sales overload. I get in the car and drive home.
–Pink
LOLBusiness 